Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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