i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
