You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
