that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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