Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
