So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
