i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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