I want to walk on stilts...naked
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
