im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
