U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
