Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
