Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
