I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
