your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
