He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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