There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
