OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
