Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
