Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
