Yo dont text me then not text me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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