We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
