He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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