we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
