Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
