You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just forgot I was standing up.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
