the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
