Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
