Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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