Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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