Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
