dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Pooping to opera.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
