I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
