Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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