I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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