There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
