I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
