I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
