well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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