just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
