There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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