There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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