I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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