Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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