I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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