i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i permit you to call me
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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