Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
