I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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