just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
