I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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