i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
